I first learned what the English ate for breakfast back in home economics class with Mrs Dooley when I was about eleven years old. Its all about timing, she would say to us wives-to-me, mother-of-children and discussed the general-rule-of-thumb-rule-of-how-to-be-a-woman, the best way to a man’s heart is via his stomach, she’d roar. Easy as that, huh? I thought as I conspired my life with Matt Goss from Bros.
Bacon, eggs, sausages, bread, butter, milk, mushrooms, potatoes, carrots & hummus, was, as agreed (blindly by me), kindly sent to me (or someone called Hannanh Yeadon who apparently lives at my address) by Sainsbury’s So Organic. There were no raspberries in stock! – A month prior, I had agreed (without much thought) to write a recipe for them on a specific date in return for “a range of organic ingredients”. Its Sainsbury’s, giant hand of God, I thought… how lovely of them to be in touch.
Hence, this post.
Usually, when I need to make an English Breakfast, I have not had much sleep the night before and am completely hung over so I am often burning everything, or one thing has gone cold and something is still burning in the oven, the scramble egg goes rubbery while I set the fire alarms off. With head hammering, I’d slip on a piece of bacon that had fallen off the counter onto the floor and someone laughs as they just sit there and watch or drink juice.
Or, I’d be the one sitting there drinking juice and watch it all slide downhill because a) they are still pissed/ hungover b) completely incompetent because i) they didn’t hear the wise words of Mrs Dooley at home ec ii) they are rubbish in the kitchen iii) trying too hard to impress c) making a perfect fry up is quite hard.
So, its just best to go to the nearest cafe and order one for the same price as these ingredients. Fry ups are usually for soaking up last night’s mayhem or when you stay at a hotel and someone else mucks it up.
Sometimes though, when you are in a relationship and no one gets drunk anymore or you live with someone because you can’t afford to live alone, you can achieve these fry ups and feel really proud of yourself, as you sensibly read the Sunday papers and think about having a stroll along the canal and buy china from a vintage market.
Sometimes you just fancy one, because you do, because they are quite yummy. So here’s how you make it and as rule of thumb, I always burn the best free range, organic, friendly farmed ingredients!
Ingredients For two
4 x back bacon rashers 2 x sausages 4 x toast bread (I prefer white, lighter bread) some butter for the table 2 x eggs some tomatoes (brought from my local organic green grocers) some mushrooms olive oil cooking oil
Utensils 2 x medium sized frying pans 1 x oven proof dish 1 x anti splatter device (optional)
1. Set table, don’t leave to last minute
2. Lay out ingredients, open packets, have things ready
3. Turn on grill, 275 should do it
4. Make a pot of tea or coffee
5. Pour juice
6. Cut cherry tomatoes in half, and slice mushrooms, place on oven dish, season with salt, pepper and olive oil. Once the oven is heated, place dish inside and try not to forget they are in there (set timer 5 mins)
7. Heat two frying pans, pour some oil in when they are both hot enough
8. Get the toast in the toaster – ready – don’t toast them yet.
9. Fry sausages in one pan on medium heat, turning occasionally for a few minutes.
10. Fit the bacon around the sausages and use the other pan if it doesn’t fit.
11. Break open eggs and fry them. If the pan is nice and hot, they get nice and crispy on the edges.
12. Don’t forget about the grilled tomatoes and mushrooms
13. Turn sausages and bacon.
14. Toast toast.
15. Don’t forget about the mushrooms and tomatoes.
16. Remove bacon from pan and place on plate.
17. Remove tomatoes and mushrooms from the grill, place on plate.
18. Turn sausages
19. Remove eggs if they are crispy enough and place on plate
20. (you might have wanted baked beans with this) – quick put that in the microwave!
21. toast more toast.
22. Remove sausages, place on plate.
(23. place baked beans on plate).
24. congratulate yourself
25. Eat and discuss what happened last night! Or keep it zipped!