When I have been single in the past – I thought I was happy to be single – then bamm – I met-a-guy and my happiness all goes pear shaped as soon as the honey moon period is over. Well, I am single again and feeling rather pleased about it – I hope that bamm-I-met-a-guy again is not going to change that (this next time round), though through my sore track record its likely to. I sense a pattern and am quite aware of my incapacities and inadequacies as a girlfriend as well as a human being – what with the abandoning father, catholic school education and wot-nots. I’m a classic (head) case.
But hell, just let me be happy to be single. I like it that no one is around. I enjoy watching movies on my own, reading blogs and even eating out on my own with a good book, traveling alone and concentrating on my career. I like it because its much better to be on your own than to be unhappy with someone you are supposed to love, and worse, who is supposed to love you back but neither of you feel it. I don’t want a kiss with a fist – thanks very much!
its all one big game isn’t it?
I tried online dating with Guardian Soulmates. It was hard work. And its tedious work clicking through the army of men who all love winter sports, stealing dogs and sunny morning walks and music-is-my-life except they don’t appear to have an in-focus picture of themselves. I mean, some of them have even uploaded pictures of themselves with another woman – ie – their ex-girlfriend – wtf?!
And then, they don’t even bother to write back to you – so if you happen to have some serious insecurities about yourself – this ain’t the place to play. Whereas on Match.com, any Tom, Dick & Harold is on your case from every angle.
It seems to me, (in my fatalistic point of view) that online dating is much harder than regular dating. I know its worked out for some people but at least in real life, you know if you meet someone you would click with them instantly (or not)- and maybe get to see them again if you like them. With online dating, you arrange to meet someone and hell – you’re stuck with them for the duration – and sometimes you can be so bored to death listening to them go on and on about whatever they are going on about or even, they are not going on about anything because they have nothing to go on about – Awkward! Sometimes, you can’t even hear what they are saying – and not because you’re deaf! You know that in real life – you never would’ve picked to even talk to that person for longer than 2 minutes at a party but here you are over a long 3 course meal dinner trying to pay interest but all you can do is ask yourself why the karma police is arresting you – feeling so unlucky!
What I find fascinating about some guys is that they think that you like them just because you agreed to go on a date with them. They think they’ve won – NO – you didn’t win, I was just seeing what you are like in person! There is no sense of intuition or social awareness and they will try to snog you in the face/ mouth – (wherever it lands) and then text/ email you over and over even when you don’t even answer.
Stuff you – online dating – I have hopes to meet my man, in a Tesco line or on the tube. There is more chance of a spark there than there is over the net!
With this in mind, I’ve devised some great singles events at the supper club. The last one was very successful indeed whereupon a bunch of random men and women who read this blog decided that they wanted to participate in my experiments, turned up for dinner as a single person and some ended up as couples – whether it be short lived or long lived.
I am all about – lets-see-what-happens and freak out easily (just like a bloke) by someone asking some sort of commitment from me before I am ready so these events are not about finding the love of your life because lets face it – really?? If it happens then that is fantastic but this notion of finding “the one” is totally ridiculous – you wouldn’t catch me saying this 10 years ago when my male friends were like – there’s-no-such-thing – it only happens in Hollywood- I went to Hollywood last week to see a (male) friend and even there where women must throw themselves at his feet every day, he hasn’t fallen in love. True love is hard to find, we all have so many issues and life baggages.
Is it us? The Thatcher’s children, a generation of milk deprived, 80s infiltrated rom com addicts, the lovers of Dirty Dancing and Friends – do we think we are better than we are? More deserving of someone who is interesting just like us and funny just like us? Who is it that we are looking for that no one seems to be the right one? Are we just after miracles and serendipity? A real life Ethan Hawke & Julie Delpy – Before Sunset?
Anyhoo – its fun to find out and its fun to meet other men and women who may think the same as us. At the end of the day, love is also about opening our gates and letting ourselves be loved. Its a lottery and its amazing when you win.
I am looking for single men to come to the singles event on 26th August and thereafter. There are a bunch of lovely women and even myself secretly looking for someone to love despite my/ our above dismissal – its all a front – you know : )
This isn’t something serious, its just dinner among a group of people who happen to be single. Its more about making friends and having a great evening over some nice food and wine and seeing what happens.
Please tell your single male friends – who were Thatcher’s children (age group: 30s)